Just will you take a look at yourself

When you look in the mirror, do you see who you are or who you want to be? I might as well be honest with myself, starting with my conviction, my motivation, and my expectation.

I trembled at the thought of being a lawyer-- I’ve said it when I’ve been independent. Not that the idea of justice frighten me. We all wrote about that subject matter in our personal statement, didn’t we? We wanted to reach to the poor, defend the right, and unwind the wrongful acts- all are partial meaning to this career. Then, one complains about the long hours in the cubicle- writing and researching about cases- and not to at least demand some compensation from big law. This thought, under cover of virtuous sentiment, became one's reflection. The honorable causes you speak, reasons, purposes, are echoes of the past. You even wanted to be convinced that you truly believed. You know, without that disguise, you lose your basic senses and principles of happiness; you stare infinitely into your soul, searching for a noble declaration-- only to find that law is the ultimate horror.

It’s been real to me-- from the day I studied for LSAT (Law School Assessment Test). I was impervious to the notion that a law degree can pay me plenty. I have never imposed that notion on myself. I knew nothing of law, except of fight for a glorious reason-justice. It ought to be the chief goal of this career or I suppose I’d simply been spared the generous paycheck as an analyst at Boeing. Granted, you should know-- no money will buy you reasons you’re in the legal field.

I have never thought myself as such a vulgar rebel. That I refused to accept the vague perception of law school with clear emptiness; rather, chose to be a crusader in my own reasons of entering law. People say, in this career, you either feel a great joy or a timid terror at the end of the day; mine will be a smiling moment. I will not sell my soul to law, not sacrifice its integrity to its promising paycheck; I will give it the dignity it convicts.

After all, I am not here to learn common sense.

Law or Boeing?

Back when Boeing still paid for a JD degree, the choice was simpler. We would enroll in a part-time JD program or take an ELOA (Education Leave of Absence) to complete our degree; then, if we do not find a job after law school, we would submit our tuition for reimbursement. You really didn't have much to lose except the three years of your life.

But that was during our happier times. Now, Boeing took a reasonable move to cut funding to law program. And for the first time, I had to choose between going back to school or continuing my job at Boeing. I love my job at Boeing- an analyst position in the Industrial Engineering organization. On the days where we have to firefight issues, I find myself getting excited to jump right into the fire. I can't say I want to expect firefighting everyday since it is bad for the business. But after three years, I know very well that I needed something more challenging, more demanding. As UNCF puts it: A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

So in 2008, I began my preparation for law school entry. I did research on LSAT, law school program, career outlook, and job descriptions for attorney. After more than one year of agonizing study and endless happy-hours forgone, I was accepted to the University of Washington School of Law. I cannot forget my emotions when I opened the acceptance letter. It was a Tuesday evening, and I opened that thin envelope with the hands that had just finished marinating chicken breast.

Perhaps it all happened too fast. A desire to move on from my comfortable position at work, a reward for those days of preparation, an opportunity waiting at my hand, and a prestige awaiting my fate. This was a prize too good to say no.