Where does it begin?

After many posts of mindless rambling of the weather and love, I need to return to write about the ending of my employment situation. It has been almost three months and not a day of actual work. Bottled between email communications and paycheck are many pages of forms that have to be signed, verified, faxed, and mailed. I am really not a big fan of paperwork- not only it kills trees, but it costs more money to operate anyways; Think about the postage, the ink, the envelop, and many people hired just to pass the paper around the country.

I am not saying that all should be done electronically because it creates its own headache too. My orientation, benefit enrollment, I-9 check, all are done online. You would assume information traveled electronically should expedite the process, but in reality it takes me longer to think if I have indeed completed what I was supposed to do. I know there is no one behind that web screen, and the "confirmation" email was just sent by a robot, nothing more than a few lines of code. I know it, I used to write those codes. The cold hard... *Do not Reply to This Email*.... email...

I have time to think about all of these because I had a long vacation as I have been semi-idle for nearly over six months. It sucks that I can't even get unemployment check since I wasn't laid off. It's almost an envy to my old coworkers that I am able to sleep in most of the days. What do they know? Should I be glad to be having a job now, or feeling annoyed that I can't start it before the holidays. My autumn and Thanksgiving holidays went past like any other day... I barely feel the joy of holiday cheers.

In retrospect, the road to employment has been of hassles and waiting- in its true nature, it is a testament of my patience. Just when I thought I could start yesterday, I have no badge. Without badge, I will need an escort around the office,...even to the bathroom? So here we are at another level of security check for the badge purpose. Why didn't my paperwork simply flow to the badge office, and why despite passing many tiers of security check, badge office can still manage to say "please wait for another 5 days"?

I just want to be busy daily. I feel I am wasting my brain cells for not using them effectively to serve any purpose. I have yet to prepare any Christmas gifts... I really don't have the mood for it now

Boeing Job Hunt Timeline

I even have time to plot this timeline chart... I know I am being impatient since this is a big company. But we all know the agony of a waiting game.

I am only doing this to see if my wait is justified and how silly I am to be waiting by the phone and email, that 425 area code telephone call. I don't really know the complete process of hiring and I am trying really hard to recollect my past experience. And times like this, your brain just seems to be blank.

I am guessing it will take longer than one month this time.

Just will you take a look at yourself

When you look in the mirror, do you see who you are or who you want to be? I might as well be honest with myself, starting with my conviction, my motivation, and my expectation.

I trembled at the thought of being a lawyer-- I’ve said it when I’ve been independent. Not that the idea of justice frighten me. We all wrote about that subject matter in our personal statement, didn’t we? We wanted to reach to the poor, defend the right, and unwind the wrongful acts- all are partial meaning to this career. Then, one complains about the long hours in the cubicle- writing and researching about cases- and not to at least demand some compensation from big law. This thought, under cover of virtuous sentiment, became one's reflection. The honorable causes you speak, reasons, purposes, are echoes of the past. You even wanted to be convinced that you truly believed. You know, without that disguise, you lose your basic senses and principles of happiness; you stare infinitely into your soul, searching for a noble declaration-- only to find that law is the ultimate horror.

It’s been real to me-- from the day I studied for LSAT (Law School Assessment Test). I was impervious to the notion that a law degree can pay me plenty. I have never imposed that notion on myself. I knew nothing of law, except of fight for a glorious reason-justice. It ought to be the chief goal of this career or I suppose I’d simply been spared the generous paycheck as an analyst at Boeing. Granted, you should know-- no money will buy you reasons you’re in the legal field.

I have never thought myself as such a vulgar rebel. That I refused to accept the vague perception of law school with clear emptiness; rather, chose to be a crusader in my own reasons of entering law. People say, in this career, you either feel a great joy or a timid terror at the end of the day; mine will be a smiling moment. I will not sell my soul to law, not sacrifice its integrity to its promising paycheck; I will give it the dignity it convicts.

After all, I am not here to learn common sense.

Show me the money

After the reality has set in, I am starting to get panic attack. For one, I never had a student loan in my life, thanks foremost to an affordable tuition at undergrad. Scholarships, financial aid, and some money from my business all helped me graduate college without debts.

But this is law school. Truth to be told, a professional school doesn't grant me many perks I enjoyed during undergrad. My tuition, while it is manageable compared to that of other law school, is still a sky-rocket figure ($23k/year) to me.

I then realize that by attending law school will not just put me in debt after graduating, but deplete all of my savings as well. This thought definitely scared me! Having left Boeing four months ago, I started to live off on my savings. I had intended to use some of the savings and started another company- FU Wear Asia, an online website that sells Asian style clothes to the US market. Such a simple concept but involves a great complexity. I have to work with my suppliers who are located across the globe, and the time difference makes many business dealings more difficult. This is not impossible certainly, but I can't seem to stop asking myself: Did I put forth my best efforts?

How can I when I am only using this as a mean to support my own tuition? I am not desperate. This is not my last frontier either, and so, I blame the difficulties on the lack of infrastructure and processes of my suppliers. Since I founded FU Wear Asia, I have debated to whether close it down. Should I continue spending money on advertising or Should I pull a plug to burning cash? As all entrepreneurs know, you have to invest before you can harvest your crop. The problem in me, in this business, is that my law school is my investment. Should I protect my prior investment?

Law or Boeing?

Back when Boeing still paid for a JD degree, the choice was simpler. We would enroll in a part-time JD program or take an ELOA (Education Leave of Absence) to complete our degree; then, if we do not find a job after law school, we would submit our tuition for reimbursement. You really didn't have much to lose except the three years of your life.

But that was during our happier times. Now, Boeing took a reasonable move to cut funding to law program. And for the first time, I had to choose between going back to school or continuing my job at Boeing. I love my job at Boeing- an analyst position in the Industrial Engineering organization. On the days where we have to firefight issues, I find myself getting excited to jump right into the fire. I can't say I want to expect firefighting everyday since it is bad for the business. But after three years, I know very well that I needed something more challenging, more demanding. As UNCF puts it: A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

So in 2008, I began my preparation for law school entry. I did research on LSAT, law school program, career outlook, and job descriptions for attorney. After more than one year of agonizing study and endless happy-hours forgone, I was accepted to the University of Washington School of Law. I cannot forget my emotions when I opened the acceptance letter. It was a Tuesday evening, and I opened that thin envelope with the hands that had just finished marinating chicken breast.

Perhaps it all happened too fast. A desire to move on from my comfortable position at work, a reward for those days of preparation, an opportunity waiting at my hand, and a prestige awaiting my fate. This was a prize too good to say no.

It's been three years!

It's been three years! In this sour economy, three years seemed like nothing. But in the time of searching for a next phase in life, it became rather long.

If it weren't for my fan emails, I wouldn't really miss my old blog "Ms. MBA- Quest for the MBA Impossible". I have to dedicate at least a post to thank them for their support because without my fans, my blog would not appear as the #1 search result under "Boeing MBA" on Google. Also, thanks to those anonymous comments and spammers. Because of the "web" popularity, I've been offered some advertising opportunities. But in order not to distract my readers from my great posts, I kindly declined them. =)

When I read back on my previous blog, I saw a naive girl who wanted so bad to win others' acknowledgment of existence, as if without an advanced degree, I would become invisible in all. But three years have gone by, and not one day was I not glad that I joined Boeing- that I became part of the Boeing family. This is not to say I did not begin searching for a next job in Boeing as soon as I finished my first-day orientation. I mean, this is just the reality, right? We are never contend with what we have.

Anyways, I suppose I will offer my thoughts on Boeing for you future Boeing bees:

1. It values diversity. My work group is composed of people who are from different parts of the world and no matter where you are from, you will never feel alone.
2. It has great HR (human resource) department.
   
3. It has lots of opportunities. If you have patience, then you will be able to get to the top (3rd level) in 20 years.

Boeing thrives on ambitious people nevertheless. Without it, Boeing will not be what it is today. And it is up to you to define what it means to be an ambitious person. At least, I have defined mine.