Nine years have taught me... Part II- Actual Lesson

If there is something to be told from previous post, it's that standardized test score does not measure a pupil's aptitude for pursuing knowledge, let alone using it as a criteria for determining a teacher's pay. If this were true and adopted nine years ago, my teacher would have been really poor and would probably be forced out of a job. But I did alright since; I got a job at Boeing right after college, and got accepted to a respectful law school.

I drew on my experience to prove one thing: Common standards in reading and math are irrelevant in the education reform debate. These standards are set by people whose beliefs are in the absolute meaning of the score metrics; however, school performance as evaluated by English and math scores does not show a student's alternative interest or ability; even within the standards themselves, metrics do not show correlation between English and Math score. Should a school be punished because of their below-average English performance or be rewarded from a higher-than-average math performance?

I admit my opinion is biased. It is so, because this is the only experience I know by heart. But so are the politicians' opinion; it will only be from their experiences they can possibly speak of. And just of how many of these politicians can relate to the low achieving children of the troubling school?

Nine years have taught me... Part I

I wanted to write a blog on my view on the education reform program such as "Race to the Top" purposed by President Obama. In doing so, I had to research perspectives from local schools, students, and of course, the politicians. The federal grants for these struggling school aren't of small amount- but $4.35 billion dollars- enough to completely overhaul school system of any state for good. "Race to the Top" program, with all its strings attached, in my humble opinion, is yet another quick and ineffective approach to fix failing schools.

Anyway, my finding is reserved for another blog. For now, here's an excerpt from my diary written nine years ago:

"...This week is the second week since the school starts. My sister had a test (actually, a group test), and they won the second place. I should be proud at her... but I jealous at her too...."

That was from nine years ago, one and half years after I came to the America. Consider the broken grammar an impressive improvement in English coming from someone who just began making sense of English words and sentences. Did I tell you that I was a junior in high school when I wrote that? Yep, I wrote like an elementary when I was in high school, preparing for SAT at the same time... I scored 320 on my SAT verbal eventually, a humiliating score knowing that I could get 200 just by leaving my name on the test. On the same year, I scored 5 on AP Calculus BC.

Hello Tuition!

I finally felt the financial burden of a higher education. For the first time in my life, I forked over a large sum of 10k to pay for my first quarter tuition.

The past few months were proven hard for me, for that my business hasn't gone as prosperous as I expected. As of September, as I packed and shipped my last order to my customer from Georgia, I made a decision to close down FU Wear Asia. It was a decision I knew I had to make soon.

Sitting on top of the kitchen counter were hundreds of fliers awaiting to be posted on bulletin board; locking away in the cabinet sat a stack of my business cards- a startling reminder of my past enthusiasm. The truth was that I cannot afford to spend my tuition money on this side hobby. When there is no steady steam of income, any hobby is costly, and any expense is magnified. The conservative part of me tells me, I need to quit.

No one likes to be a quitter, but I'd like to feel no shame in admitting that I shouldn't have crossed path with the fashion business. Liking fashion was one matter, actually succeeding in managing one was another. Now the business-deal is settled, however, I don't feel any relief from my money situation. It is not the immediate lacking of money that bothers me- my savings for the past five years have prepared me for times like this. I know in the not so far future, say three years, I will need to ask my family for money. I haven't asked since I graduated from high school; to a certain point, I forgot how to ask. I wonder, will my mom be willing to support her daughter's dream- a luxury my mother never owned? Will my dad be able to look beyond the cost of today and invest in my future? Will my sister, who is one year older than me, be following my path and expecting my parents to support her dream of pharmacy school too, if she chooses to pursue?

I don't have any answer. At times, my pride is too big to even sputter a sound of my questions. I will think about these when time comes. I will leave these to tomorrow. Because tomorrow will be another day.

An appropriate one...

For all the attention on me, my problem with you starts small: you surrendered brutal opinions of me to our mutual friends and expected that I face it with little criticism. These ears are just another channel to transmit your messages. Nowadays so much of our past is studied by mutual friends, or even worse anonymous bystanders. Is there anything that you say that can actually matter?

Everything about it- especially the lack of respect- is awful, but several factors mitigate against my reciprocity. This, after all, is a contest that’s grown too sophisticated for amateurs. In a way, life is less burdensome for me when I can simply ignore your existence, but the stake to redeem an explanation is too high.

The thing about explanation is that we are now two strangers with distinctive voice, and that the listeners can only distinguish the facts from the garbage you say with their own judgment. But people are a quirky sort. Though these are the best reasons I’ve given, they are pretty pathetic. You and I would be better off if we’d just locked our opinion and furious past in a secret chamber and never released it.

開學前必煮的糧食 (Taiwanese snack)

Home made Taiwanese snack. Everything is home-made, including the 餡and皮~
Steamer is my new best friend. Flour is my friend in need.


彰化 肉圓



上海 湯包



四海遊龍 煎餃

note: I am not even going to bother translating the names.
If you would like the recipe for the above snack, let me know.

Just will you take a look at yourself

When you look in the mirror, do you see who you are or who you want to be? I might as well be honest with myself, starting with my conviction, my motivation, and my expectation.

I trembled at the thought of being a lawyer-- I’ve said it when I’ve been independent. Not that the idea of justice frighten me. We all wrote about that subject matter in our personal statement, didn’t we? We wanted to reach to the poor, defend the right, and unwind the wrongful acts- all are partial meaning to this career. Then, one complains about the long hours in the cubicle- writing and researching about cases- and not to at least demand some compensation from big law. This thought, under cover of virtuous sentiment, became one's reflection. The honorable causes you speak, reasons, purposes, are echoes of the past. You even wanted to be convinced that you truly believed. You know, without that disguise, you lose your basic senses and principles of happiness; you stare infinitely into your soul, searching for a noble declaration-- only to find that law is the ultimate horror.

It’s been real to me-- from the day I studied for LSAT (Law School Assessment Test). I was impervious to the notion that a law degree can pay me plenty. I have never imposed that notion on myself. I knew nothing of law, except of fight for a glorious reason-justice. It ought to be the chief goal of this career or I suppose I’d simply been spared the generous paycheck as an analyst at Boeing. Granted, you should know-- no money will buy you reasons you’re in the legal field.

I have never thought myself as such a vulgar rebel. That I refused to accept the vague perception of law school with clear emptiness; rather, chose to be a crusader in my own reasons of entering law. People say, in this career, you either feel a great joy or a timid terror at the end of the day; mine will be a smiling moment. I will not sell my soul to law, not sacrifice its integrity to its promising paycheck; I will give it the dignity it convicts.

After all, I am not here to learn common sense.

Show me the money

After the reality has set in, I am starting to get panic attack. For one, I never had a student loan in my life, thanks foremost to an affordable tuition at undergrad. Scholarships, financial aid, and some money from my business all helped me graduate college without debts.

But this is law school. Truth to be told, a professional school doesn't grant me many perks I enjoyed during undergrad. My tuition, while it is manageable compared to that of other law school, is still a sky-rocket figure ($23k/year) to me.

I then realize that by attending law school will not just put me in debt after graduating, but deplete all of my savings as well. This thought definitely scared me! Having left Boeing four months ago, I started to live off on my savings. I had intended to use some of the savings and started another company- FU Wear Asia, an online website that sells Asian style clothes to the US market. Such a simple concept but involves a great complexity. I have to work with my suppliers who are located across the globe, and the time difference makes many business dealings more difficult. This is not impossible certainly, but I can't seem to stop asking myself: Did I put forth my best efforts?

How can I when I am only using this as a mean to support my own tuition? I am not desperate. This is not my last frontier either, and so, I blame the difficulties on the lack of infrastructure and processes of my suppliers. Since I founded FU Wear Asia, I have debated to whether close it down. Should I continue spending money on advertising or Should I pull a plug to burning cash? As all entrepreneurs know, you have to invest before you can harvest your crop. The problem in me, in this business, is that my law school is my investment. Should I protect my prior investment?